by Artist Ron Byrum
"Relationships" Thoughts by Sherry Byrum
Sometimes it seems to me that my relationships cause me more pain then joy. I am a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a grandmother. I've been married more then once so I have children and Ron has children and we don't have children together. My mother died when I was 18 and I've had a step mother who was grandmother to my children. She also has passed on and my father at the age of 77 married once again and he and his honey are 87 and 92, still living in their home and taking care of their selves. I have two brothers, both divorced, one with children and one has none. Between us Ron and I have nine grandchildren and one on the way. There are many people to consider, many feelings and perceptions that were put into this cauldron of family. Ron and I have been married for 28 years, since we were in our early 20's. The kind of marriage people envy but they don't know of all
the trials and tribulations. I truly believe no one knows what goes on between a man and a woman except them. There are always two sides and heaven forbid I judge anyone else's relationships when I've made such a mess of my own.
I ran across the following post. I can't remember where or I would give the writer credit.
"What you need to do with all relationships, including those that have that instant and deep connection, is let it be. You need to allow all of life, including close relationships, flow and evolve. You need to let people be who they are, not what you want them to be. And above all, you must not try to control, push and prod, manipulate and orchestrate relationships.
Have the courage and the heart, the centeredness, to follow your own path, to be who you are and love being who you are, no matter what. Shine out and show us who you are, so that people who are looking for someone exactly like you can find you. Do not allow setbacks or even major betrayals to dampen your shine and your being."
Easier said then done so I printed it out and it has helped me more then once when I am pondering my relationships. Sometimes all I can do is ponder them and wait. Wait for further insight, the intuition that comes from meditationthat tells me what to do. If I rush to decisions (and I have) the outcomes are sometimes worse then the present situation. So much to consider, how is one expected to have the answers. I don't think we are expected to have all the answers. No decision is written in concrete, we can change our minds. People get divorced and then remarry, they break up and make up. Only time tells the real story and the older I get the more I realize the story is a lot longer and intense then I ever imagined. Some relationships like those between a parent and a child, well they are a bond so strong that even in the worse situations love still exists. As a mother I know what it is to love unconditionally, to want nothing but good for my children, maybe more then they do, just like my father wanted for me. He had to let go and let me fall down and it hurt him. Now as I watch my children fall down and hurt themselves I finally know what he went through, what loving me cost him. I have been fortunate that he is still alive for me to let him know I feel love and respect for him, that I know he did his very best and his ability to forgive and love me unconditionally has taught me the same. I respect his opinion and I honor his life.
It seems in 2009 life is much more complicated then it was in 1973 when I left home. So many more choices people have that we didn't have. Life can be confusing. There is this little voice deep inside that tells me what is right and wrong, if I stop long enough to listen. Only I can decide for myself, I can weigh others opinions but ultimately I have to choose and I have to pay the consequences and reap the rewards from my decisions. So I meditate and I pray and I wait until I know the time is right, the choice is obvious and I can be at peace with it. And pain or joy, the relationships are worth it, they make me who I am, they help me grow! Sometimes I hold on and sometimes I have to let go! It is always my choice, I am no longer a victim, I can choose and follow my heart!